🛟 Ask Sarah Anything: How to Make Friends as an Adult (yes, it’spossible)

I’ve lived in Towson for years, but lately I’ve started to feel disconnected from my old friends. Everyone’s busy with kids, school, and work, and our group texts have turned into radio silence. I miss having real adult conversations that aren’t about meal planning or carpools. How do I make new friends at this stage of life without feeling like I’m back in middle school trying to find a lunch table?

-Looking for my people

Dear Looking for My People,

I’ve been there. And, honestly? You’re not the only one quietly wondering, “Where did all my people go?” Life gets full. Schedules fill up. And somehow, the texts that used to make us laugh at 10pm turn into unread bubbles that haunt us at 2am.

The funny thing is that so many adults I know are asking this same question and having this same problem. So if everyone is having the same problem, why is it so hard to make friends??

Research from Professor Jeffery Hall found that it takes on average 50 hours to move someone from an acquaintance to a casual friend. And then it takes about 90 hours to be friends and 300 hours to be best friends. You can see why this was easy as a kid, and you spent all your class time with your best friend. But as an adult, there is less spare time between all the various obligations. 

I don’t share this data to overwhelm or scare you, but to demonstrate that friendships take an investment, and don’t take it personally when they evolves slowly or feel like it’s too much work. If it feels like an effort, that’s because it is. 

The truth is, a lot of other women around you are feeling the exact same way. They're craving connection too; they just don’t know how to say it first.

I was attending a networking event, and someone introduced herself and shared that she was studying for her first-level Sommelier. I have a hobbyist’s interest in wine and don’t have a lot of people to talk about it with. When I had my first opportunity, I reached across the table and said, “We’re going to be friends.” It was bold, it was direct, and it worked. It felt like kids in a sandbox. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Yes, you can just say “Let’s be friends” and set up time to hang out.

So be bold. Be the inviter. Say yes to that Barre class (I’m co-teaching one at The Mine on July 18) or the school fundraiser even if you don’t really want to go. Sometimes just showing up permits people to connect. Start small. Text someone you miss and say, “I’ve been thinking about you. Want to grab coffee and catch up?” That's it. No pressure. No “we should” energy. Just a real, warm, human connection.

You don’t need a whole new friend group overnight. You just need one brave moment to reach out.

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