🛟 Ask Sarah Anything:The Art of Defiant Joy: Surviving Setbacks with a Smile

Dear Sarah,

I went through a rough patch a few months ago. Essentially, it was situational depression — I cried myself to sleep, struggled to get out of bed, and nothing felt fulfilling. I worked with my therapist and started to get into some new hobbies. I was beginning to feel better and thought I was past that bad time.

But the past few days, it’s felt like I’m back at the beginning, and I’ve just felt awful. It’s like my progress was a fluke. I keep doing my hobbies, but I don’t feel any better. I don’t get it. On paper, my life is great. But I feel so empty and disconnected.

What the heck is going on, and how do I get back to feeling better?

Signed,

What’s Wrong with Me?!

Dear What’s Wrong with Me,

I’ll be direct with you, because I get the feeling you want to cut right to the heart of the issue.

Nothing is wrong. You’re experiencing the “one step back” part of the phrase “two steps forward, one step back.” That expression is so common we rarely stop to think about what it really means. And most of the time, we say it like taking a step back is a bad thing, but this is actually a normal and necessary part of growth.

Have you heard how people summit Mount Everest? You don’t just hike straight up. First, you reach basecamp, which is over 17,000 feet above sea level. You rest there to adjust to the altitude. Then you hike to the next camp, and then you come back down to basecamp. Then you go up again. And back down. This up-and-down pattern continues all the way to the summit. It’s a process of slowly stretching your body’s capacity for higher altitude.

This is my favorite analogy for personal growth. It’s not linear. We stretch, and then we rest. We grow, and then we contract. That rhythm is part of how we expand and how we integrate.

Nothing has gone wrong. You’re simply expanding your own capacity.

I find these moments that feel like setbacks are actually invitations to practice deeper self-nourishment. More rest. More water. Nourishing meals. Gentle movement like long walks, stretching, dancing in the kitchen. These small things aren’t small at all. They’re powerful.

Double down on nourishment, and make space for what one of my coaching clients calls “defiant joy.”

He discovered the practice of defiant joy during one of his own difficult seasons. Joy can be a form of medicine during hard times. It brings balance and lightness, even when we’re holding grief, anger, despair, or hopelessness.

I love the concept of defiant joy because it reminds us we are always worthy of joy. Even now. Especially now. Choosing joy isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s not about toxic positivity. It’s about both/and.

It’s both depression and joy.
It’s both despair and a moment of laughter.
It’s both heartbreak and a little spark of hope.

We humans are complex. As Walt Whitman said, “I contain multitudes.”

Life is rarely black and white. It’s all the shades of gray. You might feel this setback and still notice a moment of peace in a hot shower, sunlight on your face, or cuddling with your pet.

Normalize what you’re feeling by reminding yourself: Nothing has gone wrong. Then ask: Where is there room to feel what I feel AND let in some joy?

Here’s to living in the gray areas of life.
It’s more real and more interesting there anyway.

With care,
Sarah

P.S. Wrestling with a setback, feeling lost, or navigating a hopeless moment? I’d love to hear from you. Send your questions my way. I might just answer in a future column. You’re not alone, and your story matters. Email me at [email protected]

P.P.S. Ready to envision a fresh start (with a cocktail in hand)? Join me for my Vision Board Workshop with Bespoke Cocktails on July 20. It’s the perfect blend of clarity, creativity, and connection. Come sip something magical and design the second half of your year with intention. Save your seat here