Dating after divorce and standing out online
Dear Sarah,
I’m recently divorced and dipping my toes back into dating. It’s been a long time, to say the least. Online dating feels like a different universe than the last time I was single and I’m totally overwhelmed.
How do I make my profile stand out on these apps? I don’t want to play any games, I don’t want anyone just looking for a hookup.
Any tips on how to spot red flags before wasting time on bad matches?
Signed,
Hopeful but Hesitant
Dear Hopeful but Hesitant,
First, let me applaud you for getting back into dating after your divorce. That’s no small thing. There is so much courage and vulnerability required when you put yourself back out there.
You have already come so far and don’t overlook what you’ve gained that you are now bringing to the dating process. You have more self-awareness, more clarity about what you want and need in a relationship, and direct experience being in a long-term relationship. While you may feel a bit nervous with dating, remember all the experiences and knowledge that you’re bringing with you and let that fuel your confidence.
Let’s start with your profile. You don’t need to be “the most interesting woman on the app.” We are just going to find a way to translate who you are from a real 3D person into a 2D snapshot of your life. The best profiles aren’t the ones packed with clever punchlines or Instagram-worthy photos. They’re the ones that give someone a real sense of who you are and what it feels like to be around you.
💡 Here are a few tips to help yours stand out:
Make a list of all the things your friends would say about you to describe you. What makes you you? What makes you unique. What are the things you’re really good at that no one else is. I had a client tell me she is the world’s best parallel parker, so much so that her friends stop in the street so she can get in and park for them. We found a fun way to incorporate this in her profile and it was one of the things that sparked great conversation.
Be specific. Instead of saying “I love to travel,” say “My dream weekend is a Southwest road trip with good music, a cozy Airbnb, and someone who laughs easily.”
Lead with energy, not résumé. Think less “accomplishments” and more “vibe.” What’s your sense of humor like? What lights you up lately? What’s one small, unexpected thing that brings you joy?
Use stories to show you in your life. Instead of saying “I’m looking for my partner in crime,” tell a story about a really fun experience you had with one of your friends where you were living in that kind of ride or die, up for adventure kind of energy. Tell the story where you booked a last minute weekend getaway where you did everything spontaneously and without planning. Or that time when you accidentally locked your keys in the house and had to climb in through the doggie door, laughing the whole time.
🚩 Now, for the red flags. Here’s how to stay grounded in your power:
Watch how they handle a “no.” If you set a boundary (like taking things slow or waiting to meet in person), and they get pushy or pouty? That’s a red flag.
Beware of love-bombing. If someone you’ve just met is already talking soulmates and future vacations before you’ve had a real conversation, pause. Intensity isn’t intimacy.
Trust the wisdom of your body. If you find it hard to relax, pay attention. If you feel like you’re pushing or trying too hard to impress or you can’t be yourself, pay attention. If something feels “off,” it probably is. You don’t owe anyone your time, energy, or explanation.
Finally, remember this: Dating isn’t about performing or being picked. It’s about discerning who is emotionally safe, values-aligned, and capable of seeing you. You’re not starting over. You’re starting from experience.
Cheering you on, Sarah Curnoles Life Coach, Breakup Pep Talks Podcast Host, and Big Believer in Second Chances
About Sarah
Sarah Curnoles is a certified life coach who helps smart, self-aware people get unstuck and move forward with clarity, confidence, and purpose. With a background in personal development, creativity, and emotional resilience, Sarah guides clients through major life transitions, tough decisions, and moments of self-doubt. Her coaching blends compassionate truth-telling with practical tools to help you stop spinning and start creating the life you actually want. Learn more about Sarah on her website www.sarahcurnoles.com or check out her podcast Breakup Pep Talks.
