Dear Sarah,
Eight months ago, I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life, and since then, I’ve worked really hard to rebuild my life. I have hobbies, new friends, a job I’m proud of. It’s like my life checks all the boxes of someone that has a great life, but I still feel completely numb.
And then I met someone new. It was really unexpected. I’m not ready for this at all. Maybe I just have trust issues now. I feel like I’m setting myself up to be blindsided again. How do I go forward from here?
Signed,
Guarded, But Curious
Dear Guarded, But Curious,
Being betrayed by someone you trusted deeply hurts in a way that cuts through everything. Of course you’ve been shut down. Of course you’ve been protective. When you feel deep pain like that, it’s a normal response to go into protective mode while you recover.
But here’s the part most people miss: avoidance isn’t healing. It’s survival. And you’ve been surviving long enough.
You say you like this new person. That you’re curious. That’s important. It tells me your heart wants to open again but it doesn’t trust the process yet. So here’s the good news: You don’t have to dive in headfirst to prove you're “over it.” You can start with one small, brave step.
Ask her out.
Not because you're 100% ready or certain. But because action creates clarity. You don’t rebuild trust in a vacuum, you rebuild it in real time, with real people, by observing how they show up, how they treat you, and how you show up in response.
Also, this: You don’t have to hand over your heart on day one. You can hold boundaries, use your discernment, and still stay open.
What happened before doesn’t define what happens next, unless you let it. But I don’t think you will. I think you're ready to feel something real again. And I think you’re brave enough to risk it, little by little, until safety starts to feel possible again.
You’re not starting from scratch, you’re starting from wisdom.
I’m here with you,
Sarah
PS. Stuck on something and want real advice? Email me your question to [email protected]. I read every single one, and I might answer yours in an upcoming column.
About Sarah
Sarah Curnoles is a certified life coach who helps smart, self-aware people get unstuck and move forward with clarity, confidence, and purpose. With a background in personal development, creativity, and emotional resilience, Sarah guides clients through major life transitions, tough decisions, and moments of self-doubt. Her coaching blends compassionate truth-telling with practical tools to help you stop spinning and start creating the life you actually want. Learn more about Sarah on her website www.sarahcurnoles.com or check out her podcast Breakup Pep Talks.
