🛟 Ask Sarah: I'm officially an empty-nester, now what?

Sarah,

Now that my kids are grown and I’m an empty-nester, I feel lost. Like I don’t know who I am without them. What’s next?

— Lost in the Quiet

Dear Lost in the Quiet,

This feeling is more common than anyone admits out loud. For years, your identity has been tethered to the people you raised, the routines you built around their needs, the meals, the practices, the late-night talks, the worry, the pride, the love. So of course the quiet now feels deafening. Of course you’re asking, “Who am I without them?”

Let me ask you something else.

Who were you before them?

What did you love before your schedule was packed with their lives?

What parts of you have been on pause, waiting patiently in the background?

This season isn’t a loss, it’s an opening. You are not vanishing. You are emerging.

You’ve spent years holding space for other people’s growth. Now it’s your turn.
You don’t have to figure it all out at once. Just start by getting curious again.
Try the thing you’ve always been “meaning to try.” Let your body, your joy, your creativity guide you. Let boredom be a portal, not a problem.

Try this exercise:

Get a basket, I like using a laundry basket. For an entire week, pay attention to what gives you a little spark of curiosity, excitement or joy and put that into the basket. Don’t think too hard about it or try to analyze “what it means.” Just go with your gut. After you collect these items for a week, take a look through the basket. What’s here that can give you some clues about what brings you joy or might become a new hobby for you? Pick one thing, and take a tiny step towards it.

Maybe you research a new spot for travel… you sign up for a beekeeping class… you book a session with a boudoir photographer. Whatever it is, begin. 

Start defining yourself not by what you lost but what you are opening up to in this new chapter. 

You are not “past your prime.”
You are at the beginning of a new chapter where you get to write yourself back in.

So what’s next?

You.

With love,
SarahYou’ve got this.
Warmly,
Sarah

P.S. Do you have a tricky situation, a stuck feeling, or a question that’s been weighing on you? I’d love to help. Write to me with the advice you need, whether it’s professional, personal, or somewhere in between, and I just might feature it in an upcoming column. You don’t have to navigate it alone.

Send your question to [email protected]